Bringing Up Great Kids

Crazy must also be passed on...

I think it's time I move on.  Surely as a matter of choice and opportunity I can always just jump between age brackets, but my children are now 3 & 7 years of age and their needs and my experiences are varied.  My environment has changed as has my location and the parents around me differ along with the landscape.

I have done so many parenting and post domestic violence courses it would make your head spin.  Bringing Up Great kids just finished today.

Awesome information, not the least of which comes from other parents and carers.

Everytime I come into one of these groups the nymph of prejudgement sits on my shoulder, it looks around and wants to start drawing imaginary boxes around the fabulous array of individuals I see, some known, some unknown.  I do what I regularly do is tell it to hush and lets see what happens.  I never fail to be blown away by peoples stories.  The foster carers that have had hundreds of children under their roofs, most of whom were very troubled and quite often mentally challenged in someway.  The mother of seven who just lost her husband to suicide who is somehow still walking around and getting her kids to school and is struggling to deal with the varying degrees of her children's grief — never mind her own.  The islamic lady with not much english, who is living between cultures and is puzzled about how to find balance in her life...  The list of experiences is endless.

Yet the same thing brings us all together... seeking.  The search for ideas on how to parent, we want to be better.  Here let me exclude in some courses I have attended (particularly court ordered ones) the depressingly abundant number of admittedly uninterested parties who were like "Just get my piece of paper and get out of here"  and when asked "Did you not get anything out of this course?" brazenly answered "Nah! It was a bunch of B*** S****" (insert yobo Australian accent here... not being racist, just situation specific - real story ladies and gentlemen).

So for those parents who seek of which I assume you are due to sitting on the net and having enough patience or morbid curiosity to sit through my online natter, I'd love to take the opportunity to shove some courses, books, organisations etc in your face should you feel the need to take it further and SEEK for yourselves.

I think this is particularly of help given the fact that most of the information regarding childrens brain development and age appropriate needs simply wasn't available till the last few years or so.  Even professionals are constantly updating as the science grows, and given that we are the first point of call for our kids, shouldn't we then take it upon ourselves to be just as knowledgable about them as their childcare teacher (feel free to disagree).

So let me break it down, for any of my reader feel free to add to this list in the comments section, knowledge is power and I can only help with Australia, and the internet is our greatest point to share information with others, so share on!

Bringing Up Great Kids
I just finished this course today.  It mainly covers not how to cope with behaviours, but how to understand the behaviours, why they are their.  It talks about:

• The messages we have received about parenting. 
• The messages we have retained and assimilated about parenting
• The messages that we pass on to our children
• Brain development through the ages
• Mindfulness in parenting
• Self awareness
• self care
• Parenting goals and outcomes

Awesome course.   Simply constructed in a way that makes sense.  I would recommend this one to parents of ALL ages as it works on the basis that once you understand why the child is acting a certain way, you can better deal with the behaviour as you will understand that the behaviour is only symptomatic of what is underneath.  

It doesn't have all the answers just some.

Written by the Australian Childhood Foundation - they can be found on www.childhood.org.au or Freecall: 1800 176 453 for more information on the program or to find a service provider in your area.

Grassroots Parenting
This course was very basic.  Looking at parenting from the ground up.  A lot of parents who had lost their children into state custody were court ordered into this course.

• What are children's needs? 
• How to parent in a very basic way?  
• Ideas on food, play activities, child safety.  
• What happens with children at what age. 
• Expectations and communication in an age appropriate way
• Age appropriate behaviours and safe discipline strategies
• Self care

Really repetitive, it is as the name suggests "Grassroots", I was lucky had a great facilitator who had some awesome age appropriate play ideas.  I would suggest it mainly for people with children 0-12yrs.

Provider in this case was Catholic Care.  Please don't be put off, Catholic Care are just another funded service provider, they in no way bring religion into any of their social services work.  Check them out at http://www.catholiccare.org/families or contact them on Ph: 02 93905377.

Keeping Kids in Mind

One of the most awesome courses and heartbreaking at the same time.  This one is for post separation/post divorce parenting.  Be warned almost everyone in this room is court ordered or court suggested to be here and they don't believe that they need it.  Never the less, the information, particularly on emotion coaching in this course is really important.  The focus of this course is wholly and solely on the children and what children experience going through the breakdown of the parents or carers relationship and post relationship management to minimise the damage on the child or to heal damage already done.

The course is written by a bunch of child psychologists, counsellors etc and is quite simply heart breaking - but necessary.

Anyone who had children and has been through, or is going through a break up this one is invaluable and gives a lot of insight and management skills to manage yourself and try to make peace with the other party for the sake of the children.

Provider was Catholic Care (as above) but I know this one is conducted by other orgs as well.

I'll try to add some more at a later time, but it's school pick up and I have to go.

Peace & Love

The Importance of Sleeping

I haven't posted on this page for an AGE!!!! But.  I've been inspired to write again, both because of my own recent experiences and because of those of my beautiful friends.

SLEEP!!!!  I really can't put enough emphasis on how important sleep training is from as early as possible.  I've read that it's the one of the greatest gifts that you can give to your child is the ability to self settle and that it will stay with them for the rest of their lives.

What is Self Settling?
Self settling is the ability for someone to put themselves to sleep with out the assistance of sleep aids (blankies, dummies, music, mummy etc etc).

Look I'm sure that sleep is a very complex issue (as most things in life seem to be), but lets simplify it for the purposes of this discussion and say, look if there is a medical problem... all bets are off... but if there's not and you just haven't got to the point where you are willing to do ANYTHING... listen up peoples.

Can I list some excuse my french "Bull Shit" excuses for us all.

1. My child just doesn't need that much sleep.  (BS!  Yes they do!  No child needs to be up watching TV at 9 or 10 at night, you get your lazy can't be bothered ass up and put them to bed.  And no, don't be surprised if they scream for the next three hours, it's your fault they are OVERTIRED!!!).
2. My 2yr old doesn't need a nap, if I put them down they just won't go to sleep. (BS!  I have never met a 1,2 or 3 year old that doesn't need a nap.... you know why they're evil as hell in the afternoon..... SLEEP!!!)
3. My child doesn't need a routine...(BS!  You and your child need a routine of some description, it doesn't have to be everyday... just a majority of days.  Children and adults for that matter on the whole need to be able to predict what is going to happen in their day.  Children especially, there is mountains of data to back up these claims).

Using myself as the example and guinea pig for the sleep experiment I have used the same self settling sleep training for both my girls (age 6 & 3), we started at like week two of life and have kept it going.  We've had ups and downs, we've been through crisis (which obviously effected the security of my now oldest girl and subsequently sleep), but on the whole we've done REALLY well with the sleeping thing.  So much so that no matter where we are or who is putting them to sleep, we get a full nights sleep with the occasional Boogie Man or toiletry excursion.  They are both awesome self settlers and have been through overseas travel, strange places, different time zones, babysitters, being out at restaurants and cafes, on beaches, in cars and on deflating air mattresses in windy camper trailers.... we have survived.  My diagnosis, this stuff can work!

Sleep only again came to my attention when hanging out with one of my best friends and his girls.  Gorgeous girls, love them to death, awesome in every way but sleeping.  His youngest girl, will routinely wake up at then end of every sleep cycle and whinge for anything (does it matter at 3am in the morning?).  OMG!!! I love children, but I've discovered that after being woken up the sixth time and its only three am.... yeah... not so loving, all warm and fuzziness flees from my heart and moves to my head and eyesight creating a weird throbbing sensation.  

It takes some restraint and manipulative energy for me to keep the anger from my being (as I'm sure its not productive in this situation) and coax the beloved child back to sleep....   See this is not a one off, its a regular....  SELF SETTLING PEOPLES!!  I'm not her Momma, so its not my problem to solve, but I know a good move for some people is Karitane or Tresillian.  Or in J's case, take your booty and your baby and head to Momma's house for some intensive sleep training or retraining (and have someone else make you a tea.... or a vodka).

SEX (or lack there of)

Did you know that libido is one of the first things to go when a person is suffering from exhaustion?  When a persons primary needs are not met (and no gents, sex is not one of them) procreation gets erased from the bodies list of to dos and moved to the to don'ts.  Long story short, lack of sleep doesn't only effect your sanity or lack there of, it also effects whether your partner will 'put out' or not.  Note to self: Maybe you should get up sometimes & washing the dishes only works in your favour.... = you might get some!

Lets finish up by saying, the road won't be completely predictable or trouble free, but if there is an easier way i.e. sleep training, at least consider doing it, after the initial war it can only be good.  And maybe you can get out after 7pm and do that dance class or go to the movies with some regularity.

Where to learn sleep training?

There are millions of books.  I used Tizzie Hall, Save Our Sleep, and yes I know my little cousin is going to go into catharsis and hyperventilate as she relays the horrors stories of the control crying devil... But.  It worked for me and I've passed it to HEAPS of people who it has also worked for.  But, you can really use anyones, Gina Ford, etc etc.

There is also Karitane and Tresillian who both run sleep schools and have amazing free resources available on their websites and helplines. Approximate sleep requirements amd methods can be found here

http://www.karitane.com.au/families/pdf/Sleep_and_Settle_Brochure_2012_LR.pdf

So for my beautiful friends who haven't had babies yet... get the heads up now and have a plan BEFORE you have your bubba as once the day is here, your time to think is somewhat compromised.

So I hope you all sleep and your babies sleep well.  If you have any knowledge or personal experience give it out, our mothering community can only be richer for it.  Especially for those with medical issues that effected sleep and you were able to find a way around it... Share and teach us!!

Love x