Bringing Up Great Kids

Crazy must also be passed on...

I think it's time I move on.  Surely as a matter of choice and opportunity I can always just jump between age brackets, but my children are now 3 & 7 years of age and their needs and my experiences are varied.  My environment has changed as has my location and the parents around me differ along with the landscape.

I have done so many parenting and post domestic violence courses it would make your head spin.  Bringing Up Great kids just finished today.

Awesome information, not the least of which comes from other parents and carers.

Everytime I come into one of these groups the nymph of prejudgement sits on my shoulder, it looks around and wants to start drawing imaginary boxes around the fabulous array of individuals I see, some known, some unknown.  I do what I regularly do is tell it to hush and lets see what happens.  I never fail to be blown away by peoples stories.  The foster carers that have had hundreds of children under their roofs, most of whom were very troubled and quite often mentally challenged in someway.  The mother of seven who just lost her husband to suicide who is somehow still walking around and getting her kids to school and is struggling to deal with the varying degrees of her children's grief — never mind her own.  The islamic lady with not much english, who is living between cultures and is puzzled about how to find balance in her life...  The list of experiences is endless.

Yet the same thing brings us all together... seeking.  The search for ideas on how to parent, we want to be better.  Here let me exclude in some courses I have attended (particularly court ordered ones) the depressingly abundant number of admittedly uninterested parties who were like "Just get my piece of paper and get out of here"  and when asked "Did you not get anything out of this course?" brazenly answered "Nah! It was a bunch of B*** S****" (insert yobo Australian accent here... not being racist, just situation specific - real story ladies and gentlemen).

So for those parents who seek of which I assume you are due to sitting on the net and having enough patience or morbid curiosity to sit through my online natter, I'd love to take the opportunity to shove some courses, books, organisations etc in your face should you feel the need to take it further and SEEK for yourselves.

I think this is particularly of help given the fact that most of the information regarding childrens brain development and age appropriate needs simply wasn't available till the last few years or so.  Even professionals are constantly updating as the science grows, and given that we are the first point of call for our kids, shouldn't we then take it upon ourselves to be just as knowledgable about them as their childcare teacher (feel free to disagree).

So let me break it down, for any of my reader feel free to add to this list in the comments section, knowledge is power and I can only help with Australia, and the internet is our greatest point to share information with others, so share on!

Bringing Up Great Kids
I just finished this course today.  It mainly covers not how to cope with behaviours, but how to understand the behaviours, why they are their.  It talks about:

• The messages we have received about parenting. 
• The messages we have retained and assimilated about parenting
• The messages that we pass on to our children
• Brain development through the ages
• Mindfulness in parenting
• Self awareness
• self care
• Parenting goals and outcomes

Awesome course.   Simply constructed in a way that makes sense.  I would recommend this one to parents of ALL ages as it works on the basis that once you understand why the child is acting a certain way, you can better deal with the behaviour as you will understand that the behaviour is only symptomatic of what is underneath.  

It doesn't have all the answers just some.

Written by the Australian Childhood Foundation - they can be found on www.childhood.org.au or Freecall: 1800 176 453 for more information on the program or to find a service provider in your area.

Grassroots Parenting
This course was very basic.  Looking at parenting from the ground up.  A lot of parents who had lost their children into state custody were court ordered into this course.

• What are children's needs? 
• How to parent in a very basic way?  
• Ideas on food, play activities, child safety.  
• What happens with children at what age. 
• Expectations and communication in an age appropriate way
• Age appropriate behaviours and safe discipline strategies
• Self care

Really repetitive, it is as the name suggests "Grassroots", I was lucky had a great facilitator who had some awesome age appropriate play ideas.  I would suggest it mainly for people with children 0-12yrs.

Provider in this case was Catholic Care.  Please don't be put off, Catholic Care are just another funded service provider, they in no way bring religion into any of their social services work.  Check them out at http://www.catholiccare.org/families or contact them on Ph: 02 93905377.

Keeping Kids in Mind

One of the most awesome courses and heartbreaking at the same time.  This one is for post separation/post divorce parenting.  Be warned almost everyone in this room is court ordered or court suggested to be here and they don't believe that they need it.  Never the less, the information, particularly on emotion coaching in this course is really important.  The focus of this course is wholly and solely on the children and what children experience going through the breakdown of the parents or carers relationship and post relationship management to minimise the damage on the child or to heal damage already done.

The course is written by a bunch of child psychologists, counsellors etc and is quite simply heart breaking - but necessary.

Anyone who had children and has been through, or is going through a break up this one is invaluable and gives a lot of insight and management skills to manage yourself and try to make peace with the other party for the sake of the children.

Provider was Catholic Care (as above) but I know this one is conducted by other orgs as well.

I'll try to add some more at a later time, but it's school pick up and I have to go.

Peace & Love

The Importance of Sleeping

I haven't posted on this page for an AGE!!!! But.  I've been inspired to write again, both because of my own recent experiences and because of those of my beautiful friends.

SLEEP!!!!  I really can't put enough emphasis on how important sleep training is from as early as possible.  I've read that it's the one of the greatest gifts that you can give to your child is the ability to self settle and that it will stay with them for the rest of their lives.

What is Self Settling?
Self settling is the ability for someone to put themselves to sleep with out the assistance of sleep aids (blankies, dummies, music, mummy etc etc).

Look I'm sure that sleep is a very complex issue (as most things in life seem to be), but lets simplify it for the purposes of this discussion and say, look if there is a medical problem... all bets are off... but if there's not and you just haven't got to the point where you are willing to do ANYTHING... listen up peoples.

Can I list some excuse my french "Bull Shit" excuses for us all.

1. My child just doesn't need that much sleep.  (BS!  Yes they do!  No child needs to be up watching TV at 9 or 10 at night, you get your lazy can't be bothered ass up and put them to bed.  And no, don't be surprised if they scream for the next three hours, it's your fault they are OVERTIRED!!!).
2. My 2yr old doesn't need a nap, if I put them down they just won't go to sleep. (BS!  I have never met a 1,2 or 3 year old that doesn't need a nap.... you know why they're evil as hell in the afternoon..... SLEEP!!!)
3. My child doesn't need a routine...(BS!  You and your child need a routine of some description, it doesn't have to be everyday... just a majority of days.  Children and adults for that matter on the whole need to be able to predict what is going to happen in their day.  Children especially, there is mountains of data to back up these claims).

Using myself as the example and guinea pig for the sleep experiment I have used the same self settling sleep training for both my girls (age 6 & 3), we started at like week two of life and have kept it going.  We've had ups and downs, we've been through crisis (which obviously effected the security of my now oldest girl and subsequently sleep), but on the whole we've done REALLY well with the sleeping thing.  So much so that no matter where we are or who is putting them to sleep, we get a full nights sleep with the occasional Boogie Man or toiletry excursion.  They are both awesome self settlers and have been through overseas travel, strange places, different time zones, babysitters, being out at restaurants and cafes, on beaches, in cars and on deflating air mattresses in windy camper trailers.... we have survived.  My diagnosis, this stuff can work!

Sleep only again came to my attention when hanging out with one of my best friends and his girls.  Gorgeous girls, love them to death, awesome in every way but sleeping.  His youngest girl, will routinely wake up at then end of every sleep cycle and whinge for anything (does it matter at 3am in the morning?).  OMG!!! I love children, but I've discovered that after being woken up the sixth time and its only three am.... yeah... not so loving, all warm and fuzziness flees from my heart and moves to my head and eyesight creating a weird throbbing sensation.  

It takes some restraint and manipulative energy for me to keep the anger from my being (as I'm sure its not productive in this situation) and coax the beloved child back to sleep....   See this is not a one off, its a regular....  SELF SETTLING PEOPLES!!  I'm not her Momma, so its not my problem to solve, but I know a good move for some people is Karitane or Tresillian.  Or in J's case, take your booty and your baby and head to Momma's house for some intensive sleep training or retraining (and have someone else make you a tea.... or a vodka).

SEX (or lack there of)

Did you know that libido is one of the first things to go when a person is suffering from exhaustion?  When a persons primary needs are not met (and no gents, sex is not one of them) procreation gets erased from the bodies list of to dos and moved to the to don'ts.  Long story short, lack of sleep doesn't only effect your sanity or lack there of, it also effects whether your partner will 'put out' or not.  Note to self: Maybe you should get up sometimes & washing the dishes only works in your favour.... = you might get some!

Lets finish up by saying, the road won't be completely predictable or trouble free, but if there is an easier way i.e. sleep training, at least consider doing it, after the initial war it can only be good.  And maybe you can get out after 7pm and do that dance class or go to the movies with some regularity.

Where to learn sleep training?

There are millions of books.  I used Tizzie Hall, Save Our Sleep, and yes I know my little cousin is going to go into catharsis and hyperventilate as she relays the horrors stories of the control crying devil... But.  It worked for me and I've passed it to HEAPS of people who it has also worked for.  But, you can really use anyones, Gina Ford, etc etc.

There is also Karitane and Tresillian who both run sleep schools and have amazing free resources available on their websites and helplines. Approximate sleep requirements amd methods can be found here

http://www.karitane.com.au/families/pdf/Sleep_and_Settle_Brochure_2012_LR.pdf

So for my beautiful friends who haven't had babies yet... get the heads up now and have a plan BEFORE you have your bubba as once the day is here, your time to think is somewhat compromised.

So I hope you all sleep and your babies sleep well.  If you have any knowledge or personal experience give it out, our mothering community can only be richer for it.  Especially for those with medical issues that effected sleep and you were able to find a way around it... Share and teach us!!

Love x

The baby List - Wipes and Creams - the First Three Months and forever more

I have no time to do this but what the hell... I've already used every other excuse to avoid study and cleaning, so lets use this one too.

Baby Wipes
Baby wipes are the life blood of every mother young and old.  Wipes ARE NOT ecologically friendly in the usual sense of the word, but they really are when they prevent poo, chocolate, honey or any other mystery stickiness which will then destroy your environment and sense of security little by little.  How, well when you have already cleaned the house and you touch a door knob that is sticky...hmmm...and you don't know what it is.  This moment could have been prevented by the simple wipe.

Don't be fooled, not all wipes are created equal, which you will discover if you are wiping a particularly stinky and sticky nappy and your finger goes clear through the wipe, only sink into the glacial river of pooiness that you were trying to erase.  See! You thought you were SO clever when you save that $1.50 on those homebrand wipes. Now for days after you've cut your nails to the quick and scrubbed and scrubbed but you still can't erase that thin brown line from under your nail, or stop smelling that faint smell of poo whenever you put your finger next to your nose.

I have the following commentary and in depth discussion on the many brands of wipes.  I haven't tried them all, but I can tell you about the few I have tried.

#1st Guideline - NO FRAGRANCE!!  Fragrance is not good for you, and it is definitely not good for baby.  Like all skin care, try to go no alcohol, no parabens, no sodium lauryl sulfate.  It's not always possible, but it's great if you can do it.

Clearly Herbal - @ Ecobabe

My Favourite Wipe - Clearly Herbal
These ones are everything free (except the wipes themselves unfortunately).  I only tried them with the last baby, and wished that I had found them before.  They are gorgeous, thick enough, there is something gorgeous about the texture, good smell and just enough moisture.  They work really well.  I am just really sorry that I have never seen them retail anywhere but online.  You can get them for $7.95/80 wipes, which is quite expensive especially after postage, but I think if you can afford it, I really enjoyed them as a product.  (I'll shout you a pack!! - not everyone, just J - sorry)

Nature Care Baby Wipes

My Most Used - Nature Care Baby Wipes
Nature Care Baby, is really a lovely all round brand.  Developed by a Swedish environmentalist mother, it really does embrace all the values I love in a product and a company.

The best thing about these wipes is that they are available in all supermarkets in Australia and they retail for a price comparable to other less environmentally conscious brands.

As a wipe they are a great thickness, not too much or too little liquid, and they don't have any nasties in them.  All round good thing for me.
Note: Nature Care Baby Nappies and nappy disposal bags are great too.  I haven't used any of their other products so I can't speak to it.


Other Wipes
Curash, Huggies, Johnson and Johnson are all brands that I have used from time to time.  Huggies, get their fragrance free sensitive wipes, they're really thick but they have a WHOLE lot of liquid on them.  Johnson and Johnson, once again, get the fragrance free.  Curash are probably the best of the lot, they have a soap free and fragrance free variety, sometimes they have good specials.

Mamia from Aldi are fine also, they are quite thin, but sufficient if you're not dealing with big poos.  So are both Coles and Woolworths wipes, but as a rule I don't buy supermarket brands as I do believe they're driving the little man out of business.

Gaia were really beautiful in smell and the idea, but as with most bamboo products, they hold a huge amount of liquid.  So firstly I found Gaia wipes too wet, the next thing that annoyed the !@#$ out of me was that they stuck together really badly; in fact this sticking annoyed me so much that I didn't buy them any more than twice.

Wipe Tips

• My childbirth educator said something great.  "Buy a pack of wipes, choose a patch of skin, and wipe it all day on and off with the baby wipe, just notice how much residue accumulates".  When at home buy a heap of cheap face washers and just use water, or water with a bit of bicarbonate of soda. (Great advice)
• Buy the Huggies packs in the plastic containers, the large and a few of the travel size, that way you can just use the containers over and over again.  I've had the same Huggies containers for the past 5 years and they're still going!

Nappy Creams and Balms

There is a infinite amount of nappy creams and balms out there on the market, I haven't even made a dent in trying them all.  But, I know you'll feel me on my recommendation.

Lucas Paw Paw Ointment

Lucas Paw Paw Ointment

I feel like there's nothing else I need to say about that... but I will.  Yes our beloved Lucas Pawpaw Ointment that we've been using on our lips for decades now is THE BEST!!  That's all I use, I tried a few others, but really none of them hold a candle to this one.

I use it as a night time barrier cream and as a nappy rash cream, the rash is always gone in the morning.  My Aunt who had five children used it on them, and they had the most sensitive skin (she was washing with soap flakes for them).  It is cheap (buy the $25 barrel) and it lasts for ages.  Love, love, love this product!

Cowboys & Itchy Bums Barrier Balm

Other Nappy Creams - Natural

Gaia has some beautiful creams, you need something thick for under the nappy, I always found their lotion to be quite thick and give quite good coverage.

My number one baby skincare brand is definitely Bod for Babies, I'll talk about more of their products later, but their 'bum spray' is unnecessary but special.  And they have a special barrier balm Cowboys and Itchy Bums Barrier Balm, I love all their products.  I want to buy you all of them!!

It is only available through limited sources now, sometimes it is in the health store, if not try Green Organics.

Other Nappy Creams - Not So Natural

Bepanthen is my one and only.  This is an awesome cream, it works when other creams won't.  It lasts forever as you only need the smallest amount, and just keep it around for when your little one starts scraping those knees (or for your partner if he falls over in the delivery suite).  You can get it at your local supermarket.

Nappy Sacks

Yes you need heaps of these.  I love the eco, eco versions but in all honesty I can hardly afford them.  I just buys Nappy Sacks on the whole (find them in your local supermarket).  There is a pack of 200 sitting in my shopping bags right now.  They come in those handy packs, smell good (which is of the upmost importance) and cost around $5 for 200.  That's it.

 

The Body Pillow. It's Better than a Man (for some things)

The Body Pillow, it doesn't grope complain or snore!

See here the body pillow, the maternity pillow, the long pillow, the tube pillow.... whatever you like to call it, you MUST have one for the mid to later era of pregnancy.

When sleep becomes difficult and for some impossible, this lovely long lady, is better than anything you've slammed between your legs lately.  "Hug it tight and sleep all night - the body pillow"... (wry smile)

The body pillow retails for around $89.95 (ouch) on classy sites like Urban Baby with the pillowcase setting you back another $39.95.  I found a cheaper version at Holy Sheet, I'm not sure what it is retailing for at present, but check it out first.

JEALOUSY ALERT: WARNING PARTNERS WILL ENVY THE WAY YOU SNUGGLE, CUDDLE, CARESS AND DROOL INTO THE PILLOW, HISSY FITS AND TANTRUMS AND LOSS OF SELF ESTEEM MAY FOLLOW.  SOLUTION...BUY HIM/HER ONE TWO, AND HAVE YOUR FACE LASER PRINTED ONTO THE PILLOW CASE.

Note to J:  I have a body pillow and two cases, if you would like to borrow it speak up, its been well loved by me and others, but it still does a stirling job and doesn't cost a cent.