The Importance of Sleeping

I haven't posted on this page for an AGE!!!! But.  I've been inspired to write again, both because of my own recent experiences and because of those of my beautiful friends.

SLEEP!!!!  I really can't put enough emphasis on how important sleep training is from as early as possible.  I've read that it's the one of the greatest gifts that you can give to your child is the ability to self settle and that it will stay with them for the rest of their lives.

What is Self Settling?
Self settling is the ability for someone to put themselves to sleep with out the assistance of sleep aids (blankies, dummies, music, mummy etc etc).

Look I'm sure that sleep is a very complex issue (as most things in life seem to be), but lets simplify it for the purposes of this discussion and say, look if there is a medical problem... all bets are off... but if there's not and you just haven't got to the point where you are willing to do ANYTHING... listen up peoples.

Can I list some excuse my french "Bull Shit" excuses for us all.

1. My child just doesn't need that much sleep.  (BS!  Yes they do!  No child needs to be up watching TV at 9 or 10 at night, you get your lazy can't be bothered ass up and put them to bed.  And no, don't be surprised if they scream for the next three hours, it's your fault they are OVERTIRED!!!).
2. My 2yr old doesn't need a nap, if I put them down they just won't go to sleep. (BS!  I have never met a 1,2 or 3 year old that doesn't need a nap.... you know why they're evil as hell in the afternoon..... SLEEP!!!)
3. My child doesn't need a routine...(BS!  You and your child need a routine of some description, it doesn't have to be everyday... just a majority of days.  Children and adults for that matter on the whole need to be able to predict what is going to happen in their day.  Children especially, there is mountains of data to back up these claims).

Using myself as the example and guinea pig for the sleep experiment I have used the same self settling sleep training for both my girls (age 6 & 3), we started at like week two of life and have kept it going.  We've had ups and downs, we've been through crisis (which obviously effected the security of my now oldest girl and subsequently sleep), but on the whole we've done REALLY well with the sleeping thing.  So much so that no matter where we are or who is putting them to sleep, we get a full nights sleep with the occasional Boogie Man or toiletry excursion.  They are both awesome self settlers and have been through overseas travel, strange places, different time zones, babysitters, being out at restaurants and cafes, on beaches, in cars and on deflating air mattresses in windy camper trailers.... we have survived.  My diagnosis, this stuff can work!

Sleep only again came to my attention when hanging out with one of my best friends and his girls.  Gorgeous girls, love them to death, awesome in every way but sleeping.  His youngest girl, will routinely wake up at then end of every sleep cycle and whinge for anything (does it matter at 3am in the morning?).  OMG!!! I love children, but I've discovered that after being woken up the sixth time and its only three am.... yeah... not so loving, all warm and fuzziness flees from my heart and moves to my head and eyesight creating a weird throbbing sensation.  

It takes some restraint and manipulative energy for me to keep the anger from my being (as I'm sure its not productive in this situation) and coax the beloved child back to sleep....   See this is not a one off, its a regular....  SELF SETTLING PEOPLES!!  I'm not her Momma, so its not my problem to solve, but I know a good move for some people is Karitane or Tresillian.  Or in J's case, take your booty and your baby and head to Momma's house for some intensive sleep training or retraining (and have someone else make you a tea.... or a vodka).

SEX (or lack there of)

Did you know that libido is one of the first things to go when a person is suffering from exhaustion?  When a persons primary needs are not met (and no gents, sex is not one of them) procreation gets erased from the bodies list of to dos and moved to the to don'ts.  Long story short, lack of sleep doesn't only effect your sanity or lack there of, it also effects whether your partner will 'put out' or not.  Note to self: Maybe you should get up sometimes & washing the dishes only works in your favour.... = you might get some!

Lets finish up by saying, the road won't be completely predictable or trouble free, but if there is an easier way i.e. sleep training, at least consider doing it, after the initial war it can only be good.  And maybe you can get out after 7pm and do that dance class or go to the movies with some regularity.

Where to learn sleep training?

There are millions of books.  I used Tizzie Hall, Save Our Sleep, and yes I know my little cousin is going to go into catharsis and hyperventilate as she relays the horrors stories of the control crying devil... But.  It worked for me and I've passed it to HEAPS of people who it has also worked for.  But, you can really use anyones, Gina Ford, etc etc.

There is also Karitane and Tresillian who both run sleep schools and have amazing free resources available on their websites and helplines. Approximate sleep requirements amd methods can be found here

http://www.karitane.com.au/families/pdf/Sleep_and_Settle_Brochure_2012_LR.pdf

So for my beautiful friends who haven't had babies yet... get the heads up now and have a plan BEFORE you have your bubba as once the day is here, your time to think is somewhat compromised.

So I hope you all sleep and your babies sleep well.  If you have any knowledge or personal experience give it out, our mothering community can only be richer for it.  Especially for those with medical issues that effected sleep and you were able to find a way around it... Share and teach us!!

Love x

Digression - The Sleep Solution - Understand it NOW!

Granted I've disappeared from my blog for around a month and a half, and I still haven't finished my final uni assignment, but anyway I'm diverting into a pleasant rant instead - here we go...

Sleep!  I thought I would digress at this point away from stuff you can buy and make sure everyone in the house gets a few important points.  SLEEP!!

We all need it, and when giving birth, feeding, looking after small people, we REALLY need it.  The best gift that you can give your little one is teaching them to sleep properly, its the lesson that gives for a lifetime.  There are a million websites and books available that share copious amounts of information, but I'm just gonna point out a few basic facts, and then point you to my bible.

There are a few important things to remember:-

1. Self settling is the key to good sleep now and for the rest of bubba's life
2. More sleep = more sleep (and the opposite is true, less sleep = less sleep)
3. Routine is everything.

Naraya's tribute to sleep

Here is the breakdown in laywoman terms.  Self settling is teaching the art of falling asleep by themselves, without any assistance from objects like dummies, touch (mummy), breast or anything else.  

So when it is time to sleep and he/she has been fed, changed, burped so that all problems have been eliminated, they get swaddled, and layed down fully awake and left with a "time for sleep now", even if you want to stay, stay out of sight.  But, my suggestion is go get a cup of tea etc.  

If they are still crying by the time you finish your tea, go back in and check that everything is OK (no strange monster has crawled out of the wardrobe, or they haven't wriggled so much the swaddling cloth is up over their face - mine did that) preferably without being seen.

There is a lot of covert mission work, you know crawling on the floor so baby doesn't see you as you pop up behind the bassinet, or drop from the manhole with only a wire attached to your butt!

The other side is - if you don't teach self settling (and many people don't), a baby's sleep cycles are around 40mins, so think about being woken up every 40 minutes to, pick up the dummy and put it back in, to put the baby on the breast so it can sleep, to pick up that toy she's dropped....etc etc.  I know what I prefer.

More sleep = more sleep - so don't get any ideas about "if I keep her up for six hours then she might sleep all night!!" It don't work like that sista... if a baby gets over tired it takes buckleys and none to get that child to sleep, and LOTS of screaming (that's you and the baby) in between.

Routine is everything - If the baby knows what to expect, what is going to happen when, they seem to find comfort in this.  So, if their sleeps are at the same time, their feeds are the same time and their bath is the same time they tend to work with you a little more (unless they are a rebel and just say NO whatever you do!! - you know who I'm talking about).  Bath - Breast - Book - Bed is such a great rule of thumb, it really winds them down, and by the time they're in bed they're just ready to sleep.

Complications -  If you have a baby with colic, gastric reflux, other illness, some of the above will change, my sleep bible has alot of case studies with these scenarios, so if applicable check it out there.  But I know you can elevate one end of the bassinet/cot to increase the comfort of the baby, and if they have thrown up, they won't choke on it.

THE DADDY WARNING (JET READ THIS!!!!)
DADDIES HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO THWART THIS PROCESS OF TEACHING SLEEP, SWADDLING AND OTHER NECESSITIES.  DON'T BE AFRAID OF LETTING THE BABY CRY, YOUR LITTLE PERSON WILL BE ALRIGHT, AND AT THE END OF THE DAY IS THE GREATEST MANIPULATOR YOU HAVE EVER MET!!  THEY MAY LOOK SMALL BUT ARE A WORTHY ADVERSARY WHO IS TRYING TO MAKE YOU THEIR SERVANT...DON'T FALL FOR IT!!  TRUST YOUR WIFE/GIRLFRIEND AND "HELP" HER INSTALL THESE SYSTEMS FOR BOTH YOUR SANITY - TRUST ME, IT CAN SAVE A RELATIONSHIP (you know make time for tv and or nookie)

Save Our Sleep by Tizzie Hall

Save Our Sleep - Tizzie Hall - My Sleep Bible
(Insert Godly Ethereal Music here...Ahhhh)  Okay, basically most of the sleep gurus say basically the same thing, with subtle differences, not really important.

Save Our Sleep is my drug of choice, Tizzie breaks it down in a simple easy to understand way.  Read it BEFORE baby arrives, because you won't have time or patience afterwards.

After birth I used to just photocopy the routines and put them on my fridge so I didn't have to think.  She has really good routines that go from birth through to 2years, covers a range of topics, but I've now done my two babies on them, and many of my friends who didn't have routines asked me for the book after about six months so that they could install order in their house.

Most babies will naturally revert to a routine that is similar to these, but do think this is a great reference, even telling you which breast to feed from and when to express.

Then it has case studies about many different scenarios, e.g gastric reflux and twins.  Love, love, love it.

Kya is killing Naraya in the lounge room so I have to go, going to coax them outside to do yoga in the sun!!

The Body Pillow. It's Better than a Man (for some things)

The Body Pillow, it doesn't grope complain or snore!

See here the body pillow, the maternity pillow, the long pillow, the tube pillow.... whatever you like to call it, you MUST have one for the mid to later era of pregnancy.

When sleep becomes difficult and for some impossible, this lovely long lady, is better than anything you've slammed between your legs lately.  "Hug it tight and sleep all night - the body pillow"... (wry smile)

The body pillow retails for around $89.95 (ouch) on classy sites like Urban Baby with the pillowcase setting you back another $39.95.  I found a cheaper version at Holy Sheet, I'm not sure what it is retailing for at present, but check it out first.

JEALOUSY ALERT: WARNING PARTNERS WILL ENVY THE WAY YOU SNUGGLE, CUDDLE, CARESS AND DROOL INTO THE PILLOW, HISSY FITS AND TANTRUMS AND LOSS OF SELF ESTEEM MAY FOLLOW.  SOLUTION...BUY HIM/HER ONE TWO, AND HAVE YOUR FACE LASER PRINTED ONTO THE PILLOW CASE.

Note to J:  I have a body pillow and two cases, if you would like to borrow it speak up, its been well loved by me and others, but it still does a stirling job and doesn't cost a cent.